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Asexuals Get Advice From Sheogorath

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Completely True (read: Completely Fake) Facts about Asexuals and Asexuality.
If you have actual questions about asexuality, please send them to asexualscience.tumblr.com.

It’s St. George’s day in the UK at the moment, and I’m a little worried for the ace dragons around. As everyone knows asexuals are secretly dragons, and St George is known for killing dragons. How can we stay safe today? Humans don’t roast as well when they’re in metal armour, so what other ace powers can we use?

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Well, today is my birthday, and St. George and I are buds (he is my patron saint), so I think we will be fine. Plus, asexuals who are snakes never have problems on St. Patrick’s day.

If you do find yourself under the wrath of St. George today, here are some tips:
1) Take cover underneath a metal structure
2) Wrap yourself in an Ace Cloak bought from an AceMart approved vendor
3) roast marshmallows in the ensuing fire, well-protected by your Ace Cloak

If geese are our enemy how is it I managed to command them and get them to attack a group of children that annoyed me when I was younger?

probably you were a planted spy but your memories of being a spy have been removed

Where can I get an ace ring, and what purpose do they serve?

The best place to get an ace ring is your local AceMart. 

Pros of having an ace ring:
1) Glowy mentor thing
2) stop turning to stone in the sun
3) better control over your asexual powers

My cousin was wearing a black ring on his right middle finger, I didn't remember the ritual to discover if this was an ace ring or not, could you remind me?

point to the ring and ask “hey, is that an ace ring?” if met with confusion, it is not. otherwise, ACE PACK TIME

I am rapidly losing most of my hair is that because I'm not eating enough cake or I am becoming fluent in secret languages if other creatures at a young age or something else?

hmmmm

only your local acemart doctor can really determine the cause

but I am a geese? I'm evil and loud

THEY ARE IN THE ASKBOX, I REPEAT, THEY ARE IN THE ASKBOX

ACE ALARM #4195 HAS BEEN ACTIVATED

When we ride into battle, what would be the best choice for our trusty steeds?

it depends on which kind of mount you bond with most

I'm aromantic gray-ace. What kind of magic do I get?

powerful magic

and with great magic, comes great power

i'm a biromantic homosexual, do i have special powers?

no

my black fox mount appears to be preparing for something. its eyes occasionally flash purple. has the ace council warned you of anything?

actually your mount is probably just trying to protect you from things like large cars or very big clouds

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